When my second child arrived, I was excited for a son. But nothing could prepare me for the adventure I was about to embark.
Someone really should hand out a checklist at the hospital. The nurses all staring at you as you swaddle that little baby and prepare for this new chapter in you life. Congratulations!! Oh , it’s a boy and here is your hand out. A cheat sheet, of all small little annoying things that he clearly got from his father’s DNA.
If I was in charge of the checklist, here is what I would include to all new parents of boys:
1. While great at sports and video games, they have no co-ordination when it comes to hitting the toilet bowl. There will be pee on the floor, on the toilet seat, on the wall and if you are lucky a drop may make it into the bowl.
2. Boys are always hungry, and without immediate attention this can quickly turn into hangry little monsters. If you are hungry, they are hungry. If anyone in the house is hungry, they too are hungry, AGAIN!
3. You may have to remind them daily about the essentials. Did you wash your hands? Did you flush the toilet? Did you use toilet paper? Yes.. Ok! Are you sure because you didn’t flush and I’m not seeing any toilet paper!!!!! Don’t eat that, it fell onto the floor – God knows these floors haven’t been washed in weeks! Oh right, the three second rule. Noooo, it doesn’t apply when we are outside. Did you take a shower? With water and soap? Ok, I’m just asking. Maybe you should take another shower???
4. They have no brain to mouth filter. If he thinks, he will say it. I find myself covering his mouth with my hand as soon as I see something out of the ordinary while we are in public.
5. He doesn’t need instructions. He already knows everything. This is probably a trait he inherited by his father passed down from generation to generation. From tying his shoes, writing and reading – he knows it all!
At the end of the day, I know that this is after all a short phase in life that surely he will outgrow. Soon! Right? I love that crazy, wild and sometimes annoying boy and just when I think he didn’t inherit anything from me I see him scarfing down a few, or 10 bite-sized chocolate bars like a champ!!!!