To my daughter’s boyfriend, we may or may not have already met in person, and you’re probably wondering why is this crazy lady writing a letter about me?
There are just so many things that I want to tell you about my daughter. I know that you’ve seen her million selfies, so you know that she is naturally beautiful, but there are some things that you don’t know. Things that you can’t possibly know from seeing her picture. Things that she simply won’t tell you because she’s afraid or worried about what you might think.
And things that I hope you are doing to prepare your self for dating this wild and free-spirited child of mine. You might not know it, but you will play a significant role in my daughter’s life, and there are some things that I’ll need your help in guiding her.
When you look at my little girl, you see her perfectly fallen hair, her silly little smile and you probably love her laugh too. But underneath all of that, you both share many things. People, equals, neither one more worthy of love and respect from the other. It’s not enough for me to tell her that she deserves to be recognized as a woman and as a human. You will have to show her every day that she is worth it and that you view her as an equal. If you don’t her spirit will fade, and she won’t be that girl that first caught your eye.
You may not even know it yet, but you are dating a girl that has survived many different things. She has been courageous more times than any child should ever have to be. She has survived mean girls. She has endured bullying and changing schools. She has fought against anxiety and anorexia. She survives alongside a fearless mother who is ready to battle for her every day. It means that she’ll survive this relationship should you bring any negativity to her life; but that doesn’t mean that it won’t hurt her and affect her. Her time with you will forever change her, how she sees her self and how she’ll view other boys that may come into her life.
I hope you realize that you have the potential to make her feel that she is less when we all know that she’s not. The words you speak to her, and more importantly the words you say about her will leave their mark on her beautiful soul. I have spent years building up what can take you all but seconds to tear down. Please don’t do that to her.
I hope you realize that she is real. I need for you never to compare my daughter to any other girls. I need you to expect her to be happy, healthy and nothing more. I hope that you parents have taught you to be happy in your skin and that people are not defined by their appearances but rather the choices they make in life.
I hope that you parents have shown you how to have a conversation. If you text her more than you talk to her, she will not feel a strong connection with you. You won’t have the chance to hear that amazing laugh if all you do is text her; it’s much more magical than that LOL she last replied.
I can only hope that you have been taught to respect your mother. The way you treat important women in your life will be the way that you treat my daughter.
Most importantly, I hope you are kind. It might sound simple to you, but to us it means everything. Kindness captures your heart and has so many different meanings. It means forgiving one another. Kindness is being there with a hand to hold through a difficult time. Kindness is loving someone with no boundaries or limits.
I hope this letter hasn’t frightened you. I hope you take some comfort in knowing that I am here teaching my daughter the same things about you. You are human and that you also deserve honesty, respect, love, and kindness. You might be the “one” for her, but even if you’re not, I hope that you grow from your time together, make great memories and leave each other feeling a little more loved.
I look forward to hearing about all the adventures that you both will share. I look forward to hearing her laugh when she talks to you on the phone. And even though I know that there’s a good chance that there will be sad times and tears; I’m not going to hold that against you. I’m trusting you with one of the most important people in my life, and a piece of my heart lives inside of her – be careful with it.