Remember waaaaaay back in school when your teachers told you that there was no such thing as a stupid question and that all questions were “good” questions and served a purpose in the quest for learning?
Those teachers were liars and are wrong. There is a question that is stupid…BEYOND stupid…and I get asked it all of the time. It is the question that makes a twin mom shudder and shake with anger and frustration. In fact I am so over this question that I don’t even want to answer it any longer. I am just gonna give the questioners “the look” and walk away as I try to not lose my cool on them. What is the question you ask? I bet you are dying to know now aren’t you?
IS IT HARDER HAVING TWINS INSTEAD OF JUST ONE BABY?
Are people kidding with this? Unless your IQ is well below a 70 or you have had a traumatic brain injury- you get no pass from me on this question. Let me ask you? Is it harder to walk with only one leg compared to to legs? Do you find it more challenging to play the piano without fingers? Hmmmmmm.
Yeah….it is harder having twins compared to only having one baby…like a lot harder in fact. I have had a few single births and along came the twins and I am here to testify that there is a vast different in the whole experience. If you have ever asked anyone this God awful question, feel free to slap yourself.
Sickies…ya’ll get a taste…
Having a sick child is the WORST! You feel horrible for them as they lay limp and feverish in your arms. You just want them to recover so that they don’t feel so badly…and so that you can make that date night that is 3 days away. If you have more than one kid you do your best to run through the house for the next 48 hours with Clorox Wipes and hand sanitizer. The last thing you need is a sibling getting the plague and having to start this whole thing over! Sometimes you get lucky and no one else gets it…sometimes not. At least you have a chance though! When you have twins…no chance. If one baby is sick you can COUNT on the twin getting sick on the EXACT day that sick baby number one is starting to recover.
Running a quick errand…I think NOT
Gone are the days where you could throw the littlest baby on your hip and jog into Rite Aid for tampons. Unless you are a mother octopus or some kind of superhero it ain’t happening in the world of twins. Dear God. I have to drag the three hundred pound stroller out of the Suburban, then load the twins in all for TAMPONS! I mean yes they are a necessity and they also are one of Hazel’s favorite toys, (I know- super strange,) but quite frankly it sucks so bad. If this were the only stop I had to make in a day it would be doable. It never is. By the third of fourth time I do the stroller-twin-in-out-of-store routine I want to lie in the Rite Aid parking lot and wait to be run over.
With twins nothing is quick, (except naps,) and easy. Twin moms everywhere live by the wise words of Brittney Spears, “Work Bitch.” It is our mantra.
Buh-bye money…see you NEVER
Kids are expensive. If you are a parent you know this all to well. Having a baby means spending a lot of money on a little human being. Having twins??? Double it. When I stopped breastfeeding and we had to buy diapers AND formula every week my husband and I almost died at the bill. DIIIIIEEEEEDDD. No joke-the formula and diapers cost 500.00 A MONTH. Just food and diapers!
Babies need new clothes for the season- double it. Babies need new shoes- you guessed it…double that. Babies are both sick and have to go to the doctor’s office where you have to pay the deductible on each baby- stupid…but double it. I am guessing that when they enter kindergarten and need new school clothes, shoes, coats and school supplies we will be taking a second mortgage out on the house.
Congrats mom…you are a spectacle
When you are in public and your baby or toddler melts down, you maybe…just maybe…can give him the hugs, love and cuddles that he or she needs. If your older child has a performance or a sporting event, you can probably handle holding or chasing around the little bundle of joy. When there are two restless warriors out in public… there is no chance for peace. It is nearly impossible to get BOTH melting down toddlers to settle in public. You might manage one, but never both. The chances of this occurring are about as rare as spotting Bigfoot…or sleeping twelve hours uninterrupted.
Twin meltdowns are loud and initially they will make you want to die right there in aisle nine of your local Target. I will testify that the more public twin meltdowns that you live through- the less they will work you up. You will build up a resistance and after a few years of them occurring once every other day, and you will no longer want to shrivel up and die in aisle nine. In fact, you will go right on into the dressing room and try a few new shirts on mid tantrum because… screw it. Seriously, I barely even bat an eye anymore.
Besides, we all know that you can’t just leave Target!
The Poop Parade
On twin has a massive blowout. You change her. You check the twin and she isn’t poopy…yet. Now you wait around to change more poop because you know when one poops- the other is not too far behind. This isn’t so much of a problem when you are at home- when you are out….say at the pool or the park…this crap sucks, (see what I did there.)
So yes, twins are double the cute, double the fun and double the love.
Some other things are doubled as well…
Moral of the story….do not be an idiot and ask a twin mom if twins is more work. Use your brain and ask her something else…like if she needs a drink or wants to bum a Xanax off of you.
Meet the Blogger: Kristin is a SAHM of four little ladies and one giant fur baby. She spends the majority of her day vacuuming up Shopkins and Legos and trying to keep up with her little blonde-tourage. In her sixty seconds of spare time Kristin enjoys writing, watching the BRAVO, eating cheese and drinking craft beer.
Kristin is a regular writer at Suburban Misfit Mom as well a contributing writer at Sammiches and Psych Meds, Bon Bon Break and Erma Bombeck’s humorwriters.org
FaceBook page https://www.facebook.com/tinmccarthy/