The Children Are Little Assholes

I recently read an article that was based in the view that parents should not call their children assholes. I 100% disagree. I don’t make it a habit of calling out my children, and I do not use this term lightly or as a means to verbally abuse them. It is not a nickname; but rather a term used to describe their attitude and behavior.

If you’ve ever stepped on a Lego in the middle of the night while walking down the stairs, you are not alone if you thought for one brief moment “that little asshole – how many times have I said don’t leave the Lego on the stairs?” For me, it was toy cars – those buggers hurt the feet too.

There is no other English word that I have found that has the same profound meaning that has the same effect as asshole. In the moment when my children are running around wildly, ignoring me and being downright bratty, they are assholes. A trait that I am convinced they inherited from their father’s DNA. They are the only people I know that can look me dead in the face and not hear a damn word that I have said.

As my children were growing up, I have to admit that my husband and I were pretty hard on them. We had rules and expectations and we expected them to respect the rules and had many consequences for bad behaviors from swatting their butts when they were small, time-outs, soap in the mouth to taking away privileges and electronic. I mean we are trying to raise respectful, independent and goal-oriented contributing members of society. The goal was never to raise a self-indulged, self-centered entitled spoiled brat who lives in my basement until I kick the bucket. We are not raising little assholes.

Here are 10 reasons why you might have heard me call my child an asshole:

  1. When Kira poured an entire cup of juice into the speakers of her old-school TV.
  2. When Ethan would line up his toy cars on the stairs and accidentally forgot one or two as he cleaned up. I often stepped on these.
  3. When one of them would be asleep, so I would carry them upstairs and into their beds and then quietly hear, “goodnight mommy”
  4. When Ethan plays the video game at 6am and doesn’t know how to whisper to his friends online.
  5. When Kira listens to her music so loud that she can’t hear me calling her.
  6. When Kira and Ethan have been at each other’s throat all day for no good reason.
  7. When they continuously forget to do something despite being reminded multiple times.
  8. When I find a dirty sock tucked in behind the couch.
  9. When I find dirty plates in their rooms and snack wrappers on the floor.
  10. When they remind me of all the embarrassing moments of my life that they have witnessed.

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