I know that you are brave, trying to hold yourself together, while you focus on what matters in life. You keep your family’s needs above your own, and you are neglected your very own needs. You are emotionally drained, and you just feel lost and alone.
I know how this feels. I’ve been there. I’m here now.
The truth is when you are on this emotional roller coaster it’s near impossible to see the effects. Up. Down. Up. Down – the spiral continues. The vicious cycle barrels through your life recklessly leaving you feeling alone, scared and confused. You feel lost within yourself.
I want you to hear this. You are not alone. You are normal. You matter. Your feelings are important.
I know the depth that the depression will go to – it can fill your mind with endless lies. It’s told you that you have failed, that you’re not good enough. I know that tight feeling you get in your chest right before a steady stream of tears rolls down your cheek. I’m familiar with the racing thoughts that are embedded into your mind that continuously keep you up at night.
I get it. Life is hard, and it’s not how you ever imagined your life would be. I need you to believe in yourself and to accept that things will get better. I know that it seems incredibly impossible right now but, please hear me when I tell you that it is worth the fight.
This year has been particularly challenging for me. I won’t go into the specifics because that’s a different story all-together. It wasn’t until after a massive meltdown that left me crying in bed into the early morning that it hit me – I was lost in my feelings. I felt alone and that no one would ever be able to help me sort these awful and dreadful feelings. My family tried. They tried. I didn’t listen. These feelings lied to me. They told me that my family didn’t care, that they would be better off without me and that they wouldn’t miss me if I were gone. These feelings made me numb, I was no longer able to hear their voices when they said “I love you” and I couldn’t feel their warm, loving embrace as they squeezed me tight with their tiny arms.
I want you to know that with every struggle and with every hardship there is a light at the end of that dark tunnel. You don’t need to find your way on your own. Your family loves you and would be more than willing to walk the path hand-in-hand with you.
One thing that has helped me get through each dark day is to hold on to the many captured moments and memories that I have experienced. I have replayed these happier times over and over in my head. So when you feel like it’s too dark, I want you to try to think of these times, the happier times, listen to the laughter and see the smiles around. Find comfort in knowing that these happy moments are not lost forever. You may not remember this feeling, but it was real and heartfelt, and you’ll feel them again. I promise you will feel them once more.
Don’t give up – keep fighting and soon you will be feeling like yourself, smiling and laughing with those you love.
** If these feelings of darkness are too overwhelming, please reach out to your local crisis centre immediately. You do not need to face these feelings alone.
In Canada, please click here for a list of all telephone numbers.