Babies are cute, aren’t they? They invoke a whole range of emotions when you see them, and that can range from excitement and happiness to sadness. They’re a huge responsibility, but when you want one of your own, it can become all-consuming, as nothing will ever matter until you get to have a child of your own. It hasn’t always been that way, though. When you’re a teenager, you are regularly lectured on the dangers of unprotected sex. You’ve heard the platitudes about safe sex and have had it drummed into you the consequences of not using protection. You’ll move through college and into your new life and career, patting yourself on the back for avoiding any diseases or unplanned pregnancies. As you get older, fall in love and meet the right person, the platitudes go flying out of the window in favor of trying to get pregnant instead of spending time avoiding it. Family gatherings become the place that older relatives give you a knowing look and a wink, asking subtle questions about your family plans and whether you are trying to fall pregnant. The questions are, of course, intrusive, but you smile, and you say that you’ll see.
The trouble here is that getting pregnant isn’t as easy for some as it is for others. Those are knowing looks can make you feel like you’re drowning if pregnancy just isn’t happening for you. For some, they head out on a fun night of cocktails and clubbing and find themselves staring at a positive pregnancy test a couple of weeks later. For others, full stimulation IVF and thousands of dollars in treatment is the only way they can have a small chance of a family – and even then, it’s not a guarantee. It may not seem fair, that there be such a difference in the experience of conceiving a child, but it’s a joke of nature that some people find it tougher to conceive than others. When you try to tell people of your struggles, the words can stick in your throat. Getting pregnant and having a family is still a relatively large taboo topic. You’re not supposed to announce a pregnancy until the end of the first trimester, but if you’ve been suffering from a recurrent early miscarriage, you’re going through that without support and suffering in silence.
Trying to have a family isn’t always easy. It’s not just a case of having sex and seeing what happens. Each cycle per month only gives you a 25% chance of conception, and that’s if you’re having regular sex on the right days to get you there. Even then, that doesn’t guarantee anything. So, when you’re trying to make your dream of a family happen, those words asking when it will be your turn can cut you to the quick. There are some words you will come across when people ask how your family planning is going, and we’ve put together some of what you will here and how you can combat those words.
It’ll happen when it is meant to. Yes, but not everything can ‘just happen.’ Sometimes you need a little help from the fertility specialists to get what you want.
Just adopt already. If it were so easy to adopt a child, everyone would do it. Unfortunately, the checks, the cost and the sheer difficulty of the process means ‘just adopting’ is about as easy as ‘just conceiving.’
You’re young; it’ll happen. Fertility declines after the age of 30, and even quicker after 35. Being young doesn’t mean there aren’t any issues.
Just relax. You’ve been relaxing for the last two years, and you haven’t had a plus sign in sight. Relaxing doesn’t come quickly when you’re desperate to be a parent.
Family planning isn’t merely a case of ditching the contraception and falling pregnant. It is an emotional rollercoaster, and for some, it takes some time and patience that is not easy to come by. Those who mean well will always lend their advice and their wishes to you as you try for a baby, and sometimes that information will feel bittersweet. Someone who is struggling to achieve naturally right will only ever feel the pain in words from a well-wisher, but that doesn’t mean that it won’t ever happen. We live in a time now where medicine and science can step in and give you something you may not achieve on your own, which makes your future bundle even more precious.